Choosing a Bridesmaid: Polite vs. Practical

One of the first decisions a bride to be makes is who will be her bridesmaids. Simple, right? Not for everyone. There are a lot of factors that help determine who you will ask to stand up for you in your wedding, including the standard wedding etiquette advice. But what do you do when it is not about etiquette and politeness but practicality?

No matter what the statistics say on marriage, they are beautiful and are still significant in our lives. Your wedding is supposed to be as you envision it, even down to your attendants. Think about their role, obligations and your expectations of them prior to extending the invitation.

But…for the not-so Beautiful issues, here are a few scenarios that can help you think of the what ifs that may come with choosing bridesmaids.

Scenario 1: You do not get along with your relatives.

Sad but true, some families have long standing issues and even hostilities that, although they may not be openly acknowledges, exist.

I once had a client who asked her sister to be an attendant at her wedding 9 months prior to the nuptials, just because she was her sister. They never got along. Needless to say 6 weeks prior to the ceremony, the sister called and backed out, because she didn’t “feel” like it anymore.

Now, whatever subtle issues there were between the sisters turned into a battlefield with the casualties being a lost bridesmaid, a lost junior groomsmen (the sister’s son) and an angry bride.

The Advice: Please ladies, it may not be pleasant to talk about or acknowledge, but if there is more of a potential that a family riff will rear its ugly head through your wedding party rather than due to not being asked in the first place…choose the latter. Also, if it will be a blow up either way...choose the latter. At least you won’t have to rearrange the bridal party responsibilities or have to get a new bridesmaid dress. I have an “interesting” family with “interesting” dynamics, I know how difficult it can be sometimes, but let’s actually face the worse case scenarios head on and then avoid them.

Scenario 2: Your bridal party cannot afford to be in bridal party

Yes materialism is shallow. No, money shouldn’t be a factor in how you select the important people that will share your day. But…it is what it is.

This particular client has chosen a bridal party that includes her 3 sisters and a few friends.

First issue that came up, her 3 sisters cannot afford to get their dresses or accessories, so her fiancé will do that. That seems cool, but then neither can the rest of her bridal party.

Second issue that came up is that the bridesmaids range in size from 2-22. Therefore, finding one dress to accommodate them all is out.

The bride decided to fix these situations by trying to find dresses from a low end retail store and the cost must be under $70.00, the same color and not need alterations.

Ain’t gonna happen! Didn’t happen. Now she’s stuck every weekend looking for dresses and time’s ticking.

The Advice: Brides, please take careful consideration when choosing your attendants. They have several roles and responsibilities that are designed to help and enhance your wedding, not take from it. If you don’t you may end up paying for their attire, gifts, planning and throwing your own bridal shower and bachelorette party all while increasing your budget. Or, your Simply Beautiful Wedding Planner will take over all the duties, which would make everything FABULOUS, but still increasing your budget for the extra services.

Your attendants are to step up to the plate, be there for you and lessen your burden. Choose wisely.

Wedding Planning - 5 Tips to Help You Get Started

As you prominently display the 3rd finger on your left hand…the news hits your mother, your best friend, your sister…and the screams begin. YOU’RE ENGAGED! You are on cloud nine. Everyone is so happy for you. And EVERYONE has planning advice, tips and referrals for you. Usually starting with, “my neighbor had ABC Company do her flowers”, “my sister-in-law had invitations done by XYX”, “and your 5th cousin Hilda’s wedding was beautiful in the highlands of Scotland.” Just a moment ago, there was excitement and happiness thinking about this milestone and your impending future. Now, there is nothing but lists, lists, lists. To-do, To-call, To Buy, To Decide. Pretty soon your head will be swimming and your own vision for your wedding may begin to fade. So, how do you get your vision and your happiness back? Follow these 5 tips to help you get started planning your wedding:


1. Calm Down & Get Organized – A little bit of measured breathing never hurt anyone. Breathe. Now purchase a Wedding Planner Binder. There are 2 types of wedding binders, pre-made or self-made. Pre-made Wedding Planner Binders can be purchased at stationary stores such as Hallmark or book stores such as Barnes & Noble or Borders, Books & Music. Some big retail discount stores such as Target and Wal-Mart may have some as well. A self-made binder will take a little work and a little time. Here are the supplies:

• (1) 3-4 inch 3 ring binder
• (20-30) Tab Dividers. Advice: buy the most tabs per set (ex. 8 tabs are better than 5); look for printable labels
• (50-100) 3-hole punched clear page protectors
• (1) Heavy Duty 3-Hole Punch

Instructions for assembling a self-made wedding planner binder are as follows: *Locate wedding planner pages or software online. Some will be free, yet un-customizable and others will need to be purchased. *Print all pages associated with the wedding planner. *3-Hole punch all pages. Tip: Buy 3-hole punched paper to save you time *Label each tab according to each section of the planning pages. *Assemble your binder. *The first 2 sections in your binder should be, phone numbers/contacts and any variation of a checklist, preferably counting down to the wedding. *Each section should contain2-4 empty page protectors for information, brochures, swatches, proposals, or contracts. Now that you’ve either bought or made a Wedding Planner Binder…DUPLICATE IT! That’s right, you will need 2 binders. The reason for 2 binders is backup. Just like your computer, your wedding planner binder needs a backup. One binder will be kept at your home or in a safe place with all of your valuable and final information. The other binder will be to carry along with you to meetings, fittings and tastings.

2. Make a Preliminary Guest List - A preliminary guest list will give you a rough idea of the size and cost of your pending nuptials. You may not think you have a big family and everyone fit a grandma’s dining room table during your childhood Thanksgivings but how many people have had children, gotten married? On your own and in private…start jotting down names and numbers. This can be as simple as one name, “Jane plus 3.” Do the same for your fiancé’s family & guests. You don’t have to know their full names and addresses. Just “Uncle#1 plus 2” or “Grandma 1 & 2” will do.

3. Research – The most expensive aspect of any wedding is the food/catering, topping out at 45-50% of overall budget. With your rough guest count, you will need to find out what the average cost per person for catering is in your area. To accomplish this, you can call various caterers on your own, solicit referrals from friends and family if they are willing to divulge their expenses, or you can call a Wedding Consultant. Simply Beautiful Concepts offers its potential clients a customized Simply Beautiful Bridal Presentation based on their initial free phone consultation. This package will include a preliminary vendor list and quoted pricing for services. The package is the client’s to keep, even if they do not select Simply Beautiful Concepts for their wedding. If you have your heart set on certain aspects of your wedding, location, accessories, décor etc. research those items as well.

4. Finalize Budget – Now you know what a realistic budget may look like. Sit down with your family and/or fiancé and decide on a budget. My advice to brides is to build in 10-15% variance on their set budget. Until you start looking at all the proposals and finalizing contracts, there is the potential for any one service to be more or less than anticipated based on the market, time of year and location.

5. Plan – Now you’ve got your wedding planning well on its way. Grab your wedding planner binder and start with the basics, ceremony location, reception venue and wedding consultant. Follow the checklist provided. Happy Planning.