One of the first decisions a bride to be makes is who will be her bridesmaids. Simple, right? Not for everyone. There are a lot of factors that help determine who you will ask to stand up for you in your wedding, including the standard wedding etiquette advice. But what do you do when it is not about etiquette and politeness but practicality?
No matter what the statistics say on marriage, they are beautiful and are still significant in our lives. Your wedding is supposed to be as you envision it, even down to your attendants. Think about their role, obligations and your expectations of them prior to extending the invitation.
But…for the not-so Beautiful issues, here are a few scenarios that can help you think of the what ifs that may come with choosing bridesmaids.
Scenario 1: You do not get along with your relatives.
Sad but true, some families have long standing issues and even hostilities that, although they may not be openly acknowledges, exist.
I once had a client who asked her sister to be an attendant at her wedding 9 months prior to the nuptials, just because she was her sister. They never got along. Needless to say 6 weeks prior to the ceremony, the sister called and backed out, because she didn’t “feel” like it anymore.
Now, whatever subtle issues there were between the sisters turned into a battlefield with the casualties being a lost bridesmaid, a lost junior groomsmen (the sister’s son) and an angry bride.
The Advice: Please ladies, it may not be pleasant to talk about or acknowledge, but if there is more of a potential that a family riff will rear its ugly head through your wedding party rather than due to not being asked in the first place…choose the latter. Also, if it will be a blow up either way...choose the latter. At least you won’t have to rearrange the bridal party responsibilities or have to get a new bridesmaid dress. I have an “interesting” family with “interesting” dynamics, I know how difficult it can be sometimes, but let’s actually face the worse case scenarios head on and then avoid them.
Scenario 2: Your bridal party cannot afford to be in bridal party
Yes materialism is shallow. No, money shouldn’t be a factor in how you select the important people that will share your day. But…it is what it is.
This particular client has chosen a bridal party that includes her 3 sisters and a few friends.
First issue that came up, her 3 sisters cannot afford to get their dresses or accessories, so her fiancé will do that. That seems cool, but then neither can the rest of her bridal party.
Second issue that came up is that the bridesmaids range in size from 2-22. Therefore, finding one dress to accommodate them all is out.
The bride decided to fix these situations by trying to find dresses from a low end retail store and the cost must be under $70.00, the same color and not need alterations.
Ain’t gonna happen! Didn’t happen. Now she’s stuck every weekend looking for dresses and time’s ticking.
The Advice: Brides, please take careful consideration when choosing your attendants. They have several roles and responsibilities that are designed to help and enhance your wedding, not take from it. If you don’t you may end up paying for their attire, gifts, planning and throwing your own bridal shower and bachelorette party all while increasing your budget. Or, your Simply Beautiful Wedding Planner will take over all the duties, which would make everything FABULOUS, but still increasing your budget for the extra services.
Your attendants are to step up to the plate, be there for you and lessen your burden. Choose wisely.
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